fear of loving
by Laurynn3
Summary: set just after the baby drama with nick and zoe will become clear when the story has more chapter. ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys first fanfic here so be please nice, however advice and criticism given. Enjoy**

(From Zoe's point of view)

Dear nick

Before I came across you the feeling of love was unknown to me, I was a heartless party-animal killer like I was destined to be. Years of hard working and drinking I had never once properly shared a touch of affection with another. The possessiveness and protectiveness that I felt for you; how it used to shock me. It seemed all of a dream when that day hit. The day I started working for you. Nick Jordan.

I remember the day like it was only yesterday, I would come to work 30 minutes late you would say 'doctor hanna my office in 10'. Those wink the killer wink that you would only give to someone special, the wink that no one will understand if it hasn't happened to them. This is why have to go.

I can't watch you stroll around anymore nick, I'm so sorry I can't give you children and be a caring wife you need because you will need one with that brain tumour of yours. I'M USELESS! Thank you for that year we shared together I just wish we talked about things more.

For ever yours

Zoe XXX

P.S I can't promise that you won't get any of those drunken phone calls.

R&R


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, got a bit stuck but there in the end. Enjoy!**

After reading the letter for good knows how many times, he finally managed to put it down and get try to get on with some paperwork.  
however it proved harder then planned as all He could think about is, what if she's done something stupid. As soon as he had this thought in his head he had to make sure she was ok.

In know time atoll nick made his way to Zoe's front door "knock knock" no answer "knock knock" again no answer no he was getting worried. What if she was in trouble. Hurt. Or worse. Dead.

"Zoe zoe please let me in we can sort this out" nick was desperate He didn't know what to do. He barged the door open making fly of the hinges and ran through every room until he got to the stairs. The sight he saw was worse than anything he had ever seen before, it was zoe lying face down covered in blood sick and vodka bottles but what concerned him the most was we're the blood was coming from.

Nick moved the vodka bottles out the way to get near to him and saw exactly were the blood was coming from. her neck. It looked as if she fell onto a bottle and I piece of glass flung into her neck he thought to him self. What also scared him was were she fell was it half way at the bottom or at the top?

"Nick?" Zoe barely said above a whisper.

"Zoe were does it hurt?" Dose you back hurt? Nick was asking her but all of this was to much for her and shut her eyes for the last time.

"Don't you do this to me not now I need you we can be a family you me we can adopt foster anything just don't do this I need you zoe. l LOVE YOU!" Nick screamed this at her with tear rapidly flowing down his face whilst trying to fined his phone.

Once he found it he quickly dialled 999 "ambulance. Hurry please" he told them were to find them, he then sat back a cradled the girl of his dream that was quickly slipping away in front of him.

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay guys family issues that needed sorting out which ment a trip to holland no wifi hope it okay. Any ideas just say all of them will be considered. **

Back at the hospital laid of tense air after the red phone went off. Outside stood Adam Charlie and Tess waiting for Zoe's arrival it was Charlie that broke the silence.

"How long till they arrive?" Charlie asked other a blank expression on his face.

"Don't know about 5 minutes I think" replied has with the same expression.

No one said anything after just lost In their own thoughts. Suddenly they were brought back to life by blue flashing lights. Thank god it was here.

Getting out the ambulance was Dixie and Jeff along with nick and of course zoe.

"This is zoe hanna aged 35, glass embedded into the neck, possible neck or spinal fracture. GCS of 5 on arrive however dropped to 4 since. BP 90/50 asserted Dixie as the walked in to resus.

Bed 2 please guys, zoe squeeze my hand if you can hear me? Asked Adam.

No reply.

After a few minutes of fussing around zoe they managed to stop bleed however she need surgery tonged the remainder of the glass out.

" right we need a head and neck CT scan and a x ray as soon as possible please Tess and charlie i need routine bloods and lft "ordered Adam.

They replied with a simple nod.

Whilst filling in zoe's notes Adam spotted nick looking gormless out the window. walking out of resus Adam turned to Charlie making sure he would sort out some pain relief, It's always hard treating a colleague but when you class her as being your best friend it just makes it that little bit harder.

"How is she?" Mumbled nick.

"She's stable at the moment we will have to see what the CT scan and x rays show then take from there nick " Adam said that because to be truthful he doesn't know what the outcome will show.

Within a matter of minutes, Charlie came running out "Adam it's zoe she gone into arrested" panted Charlie.

"Charlie start massage and Adam get the defib" ordered nick. Seeing the love of his life laying there so vulnerable to the world brought tears to his eyes but the was was the best thing about Nick Jordan he didn't show it.

10 minutes later

"And... She's back in sinus" said cried out Charlie.

"Good, right I want her stabilised and sent to CT ASAP please" called Adam.

R&R


	4. Chapter 4

Adam CT's free" said Charlie

"Right I won't her up there now any complications bring her straight back down understand" Adam told Charlie

"Nick she's going up to have scans done now go home you haven't changed in days" Adam said whilst walking over to him.

"No Adam! She might wake up" argued nick.

"Alright alright just thinking of you" Adam said with his hands up in defence. He found it cute how protective he got of her i suppose it reminded him of him and jess.

"Well don't" barked nick

15 minutes later.

"Adam she's crashed again" yelled Charlie

"Right nick go and take a break or something now! Charlie how long are those scans results going to be we are looking at a possible head injury. Shocking... Clear... And back in sinus"

Go and find nick he needs updating.

"Knock Knock"

"Come in" in voice full a sleep

" just to let you know she back with us now all we can do is wait for results go home get some rest there's nothing you can do" Adam said in a lowered voice.

"But what if..."

"I will get hold of you don't worry" Adam butted in

"Thanks for everything Adam" that's what he like about Adam not a harsh bone in his body.

"No worries it the least I can do" thanked Adam it was the least he could do after saving the woman I love.

Back at nicks flat

Sleeping was hard than actually thought all he kept thinking of was the worst possible outcome. Then it hit him he need to ring jess after all she is Zoe's best friend even if she was all the way over in America.

"Ring Ring Ring".

"Hello" a small voice came from the other side of the phone.

"Hi Jessica it nick, nick Jordan".

"Oh hi nick how are things" asked nick confused why he rang.

"Not to good at the moment you see the thing is Zoe has had an accident and... " before he could reply.

"Omg! Is she okay? I'm coming back to England ill be there in a few days is that okay?" Shock and horror raised in jesses voice.

"Yeah that's amazing she would love to see you, who knows she might be awake by then" nick said just as his voice cracked.

"Stay strong nick, I've got to go it Amelia's birthday see you soon bye"then the call ended nick felt happier for making that call knowing he could now sleep with that worry gone from his mind.

R&R


	5. Chapter 5

**Just a short one many just a filler for the next one.**

The next day, nick came into the ed 7 O'clock on the spot and went straight to RESUS trying to ignore all of his friends and colleague however it didn't quite go to plan.

"Nick how are you did you manage to sleep? No change from Zoe I'm afraid " Told Adam he knew nick didn't want to speak to anyone so he cut it.

"I slept fine actually Adam thank you for sending me home. Now if you don't mind I want to see zoe!"replied nick.

"Be my guess".

Nick walked into RESUS happy to see his girl.

"Hi sweetheart i hope you can hear me. If you do then we really want you to wake up so we can see the real damage. I promise I will never leave you again. You know it's just me always rushing not things I'm so sorry you should of told me we could of talk about it, I should of known really you never even said you were pregnant it was just me jumping to conclusion. We will do things right this time I mean it" having this heart to heart with Zoe made his feel better.

" nick her results are back, would you like to know the the good news or the bad new first? Asked Adam.

Ummm... The good please Adam" nick had a rather cheery tone to his voice knowing that the test results are back.

"Right okay the good news is that zoe hasn't done any damage to her neck or spine so she's in the clear there, however scans have shone some swelling on the brain. Unfortunately we can't get ahead of our selfs as we will need to wait until she woken up" said Adam worried about how nick is gong to reacted to the results.

"Adam I am a doctor to you know but thank you" nick replied trying to keep a professional face even though he just wanted to cry and scream inside. His Zoe his confident party may have brain damage.

After hearing this nick made his way up to his office for the night confining into a bottle of whiskey.

R&R


	6. Chapter 6

Jessica walked in to the ED, it had been four years since she left the ED and had taken Lucas and Amelia to America with her. She walked up to the reception desk.

'How can I help you?' Asked Noel.

'Jessica?' Adam replied.

"Adam" She replied quitely.

"What are you doing here? Well your obviously not here to see me after all I written to you tried ring you but no replies" Adam said with a raised voice.

"Adam not now the children are here. If you want to know nick called me saying that Zoe may need a friend once she woken up" Jessica repulsed feeling guilty.

"Shes in RESUS" Adam told her.

"OK" Jessica replied, taking a deep breathe she left the children in the staff room and walked to RESUS where she seen her friend lying still with tubes attached to her and moniters breathing for her. She walked closer to the bed while Adam checked on Zoe's progress.

"Are you OK?" Jessica asked her ex husband, who she secretly still held feelings for and it was clear that he still held them for her.

Since her depature he had been pulling double shifts to avoid going home to an empty house.

"I'm fine jess honestly" knowing it was a lie.

"Nick how are you? Sorry that's such a stupid question to ask" jess question as she had only just noticed nick curled in a ball by zo.

Don't worry jess honestly. The main question is how are you it's been 4 years the only time I hear of you is when zoe' s talked to you" nick said whilst giving her a hug.

"I'm fine well amazing actually" as soon as she said that Adam stormed out of the door.

"How has Adam been is the real question?" Asked Jessica.

"He's coping, he sees Harry everyday puts flowers and teddies down for him. No that's a lie the thing is he's not coping he cries in his office he's putting way to many hours in. Not sleeping he needs you Jessica I wouldn't be saying this if its not true.

" I sort of realised that. I promise I will talk to him." Jess was sort of happy that Adam wasn't coping because neither was she to be truthful.

Just then Adam walked through the doors after taking a 5 minute breather.

"Adam I need to speak to you" jess said whilst holding Zoe hand on the other side of nick.

"Not now Jessica I have patients to see" said Adam bluntly.

Zoe stirred as Adam checked her obs.


	7. Thanks

**Just wanted thanks to Gillian Kearney fan for helping me on my last chapter thank for all the reviews guys didnt relise it would go that we'll seeing that its my 1st fanfic X**


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